For today’s generation, the traditional path of getting married and starting a family is becoming less of a standard and more of a choice. Many individuals around the world prefer not to get married or have kids, as they have other priorities in life that are important to them.
However, that doesn’t mean they don’t ever feel lonely or struggle to relate to their peers. One man turned to Reddit for that exact reason, asking if it was normal to be in his late thirties without a spouse and kids.
The 37-year-old took to Reddit’s r/adulting forum to vent about the life he chose for himself and how he sometimes feels like a “loser” despite being independent and self-sufficient.
“I have a great job in tech and make decent money,” he detailed. “I have my own place. I have my own car and I take care of myself. I have no parents, no siblings, no family. I don’t have any friends my age anymore.”
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He shared how he and his friends eventually drifted apart after they all started families and he didn’t have much to relate with them anymore. He also chose to stop dating, explaining that it’s difficult to find single women without any “baggage” at his age, and he prefers not to date women in their 20s.
He has no pressing responsibilities to worry about after work, instead having more time for his hobbies, which include martial arts, sports, motorcycles, anime, computers, tech, and guitar.
Despite his varied interests, he expressed how he feels “insecure” when his co-workers ask about his life simply because he doesn’t have a family or kids.
“It’s not like I sacrificed having a family for career or money either,” he added. “I am subpar at my job and am definitely not rich. I enjoy my job enough to do it but couldn’t care less about it after 5 p.m.”
He ended his post asking if Reddit users agreed he’s a loser, although he clarified how he was recently injured, hence his depressing outlook on life.
Reddit users pointed out that choosing not to start a family is rather common and doesn’t mean someone “lost” in life. Rather, they chose another path that is meaningful in its own way.
“There are too many possible life experiences for anyone to collect all of them in a lifetime,” someone wisely identified. “I love being a parent, but it’s a huge opportunity cost, and it’s not for everyone.”
In fact, according to a 2024 report conducted by the Pew Research Center44% of U.S. adults under 50 say they prefer not having kids so they can focus on their careers and interests instead.
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Others pointed out that there were plenty of married couples and parents who regret their life choices especially if they walked into the lifestyle before they knew what they wanted in life. It’s much more dire to regret marriage and parenthood than to regret not choosing marriage and parenthood. The option to marry and conceive or adopt is always available, but the option to go back to a life of independence is not.
Various users in their 30s without partners or kids resonated with the man’s experience, but they offered tokens of wisdom and hope. One 37-year-old single woman admired the man’s hobbies and encouraged him to be open-minded to meeting new people if he feels lonely, stating how “everyone has some sort of baggage,” but what’s key is finding emotionally intelligent individuals who cope in healthy ways.
She expressed how feeling like a loser was her “identity” until she woke up and realized how many opportunities and experiences surrounded her.
“We can’t change the past but we can change the future,” she advised. “Keep doing the things that bring you joy. Keep the attitude that you never know what tomorrow will bring and allow yourself to relinquish control over situations that you have no control over.”
It’s all about perception. Whether you choose to start a family or not, every life experience holds meaning in some way. While starting a family offers deep life-long bonds, solitude offers the exploration of self.
There’s something so special about living your life fully independent and connected to yourself. People who choose a life without marriage or kids additionally tend to experience less stress and more freedom to travel and work on themselves.
Of course, many would agree a life with no family or friends can certainly become lonely, but lonely is a subjective term. Some people prefer solitude and cultivate deep connections with pets instead of people. Others develop their own support systems and friend families.
Regardless of what an individual chooses to do with their life, as long as they are following their passion and intuition, pursuing interests and ideas that bring them joy, then nothing else matters.
Life goes on and eventually comes to an end, so it’s crucial to practice gratitude, be present, and look forward to the experiences that are to come.
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Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango’s news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.
