A new mom admitted that after welcoming a baby girl with her husband a couple of months ago, she’s looking for support and partnership with her husband as they venture into parenthood together but she isn’t receiving it.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITAH, the 30-year-old woman claimed that she and her husband got into a bit of a disagreement about their expectations for each other now that they’re parents. Basically, he was upset that she asked him to prioritize helping her with the baby over spending time with his friends.
“I gave birth to our first child, Olivia, two months ago. Being a first-time mom has been both beautiful and overwhelming. My husband, Jake, was incredibly supportive during the pregnancy and promised that after Olivia was born, he would be there for me every step of the way, especially during those challenging first few months,” she began in her Reddit post.
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She explained that before their daughter was born, her husband had been planning a trip with some of his guy friends for the summer. It was supposed to be a week-long endeavor at a cabin in the mountains so that they could all go hiking and fishing.
When the trip was initially discussed with her, she reminded her husband that their daughter would only be a few months old at that point, and the two of them would be knee-deep in the newborn phase.
Despite her concerns, Jake reassured his wife that if things became too tough, he’d cancel the trip to help her out. Not wanting to doubt his words, she trusted that her husband was telling the truth.
“Now that Olivia is here, things have been harder than I anticipated. Between the sleepless nights, breastfeeding struggles, and just trying to adjust to motherhood, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.
She went on to say, “Jake has been helpful, but I can tell he’s excited about this trip, which is coming up next month.”
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It’s natural for her to want her husband to help out during such a transitional and difficult time in her life. She doesn’t have the luxury of just dropping her parenting responsibilities because she’s the primary caregiver of their daughter.
The least he could do is postpone the boys’ trip until their daughter is just a few months older and the two of them are more comfortable being parents.
“I asked Jake if he could consider canceling the trip, reminding him of his promise. I told him that I’m struggling and that having him gone for a whole week would be really tough on me,” she continued.
He argued that he’d been looking forward to this trip for months, and he needed the time away with his friends to catch a break as well.
It’s understandable that new parents would want a break, especially with how intense and exhausting it can be to take care of a newborn. But he should be able to think about things from her perspective.
“Jake said that I’m being unfair by asking him to cancel the trip after all the planning that went into it and that I need to trust him to make sure I’m supported even if he’s not physically there.”
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Taking care of a newborn is not a one-person job, nor should it be, especially if you have an active partner who should shoulder the burden alongside you.
He was able to see where she was coming from. He even promised that he would call his friends and cancel the trip because the last thing he wanted was to be an absentee father who wasn’t there for both his daughter and the mother of his child.
“He apologized for not considering me and Olivia as much as he should have. He’s even started planning a little family getaway for the three of us next year when Olivia is a bit older. It was a tough conversation, but I feel like we’re on the same page now, and I’m hopeful that things will get better from here.”
It’s important that they are both taking the time to cater to their mental and physical well-being during these first few months of becoming new parents. It’s heartwarming that after speaking about it together, her husband understood that and even made a point to include both her and their daughter in their time together as a family.
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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
