For some families, the traditional foods of Thanksgiving are not to be messed with. Turkey and all the trimmings are a must. Case in point: One mother-in-law is crying fowl, pun intended, because her daughter-in-law volunteered to host the holiday with an all-vegan menu.
The woman, a former chef, was hoping to give her sister-in-law a break from hosting Thanksgiving this year. However, now she fears that she may have sparked a family feud with her meal plans.
The woman’s sister-in-law defended her by sharing their family turmoil in Slate’s advice column, “Dear Prudence.” According to the sister-in-law, she has been tasked with hosting her family Thanksgiving dinner for the last five years since their mother-in-law moved out of state.
“My five in-laws and their families all live in much smaller places. Their offers to ‘help’ don’t involve much beyond bringing a pumpkin pie they picked up at the supermarket,” the woman wrote.
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However, this year, her sister-in-law, Carissa, who has always been extremely helpful, has offered to host Thanksgiving at her new house to give the woman a break.
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While Carissa is vegan, the woman wrote that she never forces her beliefs on anyone else and prepares delicious vegan dishes as a former professional chef.
“Seriously, her food is usually the first to go at potlucks and she even got my picky toddler nephew to eat tofu and veggies,” the woman explained.
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While the woman was happy that Carissa offered to host Thanksgiving and the family seemed on board with it, the mood dramatically shifted once Carissa’s husband announced that she would be preparing an all-vegan feast.
“Everyone lost their minds. They cried that it was tyranny and forcing an alternative lifestyle down their throats. They said it would ruin Thanksgiving,” the woman revealed.
Thankfully, she decided to stick up for her poor sister-in-law, who just wanted to prepare a delicious Thanksgiving meal for her family. “I told everyone to stuff it and that if they wanted a traditional Thanksgiving, they should stay home and cook themselves — my husband and I would be enjoying Carissa’s fantastic feast,” the woman wrote.
“My husband reluctantly backs me up but everyone else is whining and crying about the “ruined” holiday, especially my mother-in-law.”
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The woman believes that not only should the family cut Carissa some slack and consider trying some of her food, but they should appreciate her offer to host so that Thanksgiving does not become a burden to her and her husband.
“Carissa and her husband privately thanked me but are worried about causing a family feud,” she wrote.
“I think they are just full of hot air. If they can go to rival schools and cheer rival football teams, they can eat delicious vegan food once every few years. Call it my line in the sand.”
Shannon Palus, a Slate Features Editor who filled in for Prudence, insisted that Carissa was not the one to spark a family feud — the family did that by throwing a fit over her vegan Thanksgiving.
“Frankly, I think this maybe should cause a family feud. Your family members are being enormous jerks, and you are correct that they should not have their requests accommodated; if they cannot navigate this situation for themselves, that is their problem,” she wrote.
“It sounds like Carissa is laid back enough that she would even be ok with it if someone else cooked and brought over a turkey dish themselves. But even if she keeps her home entirely meat-free, she is allowed to do that, and I am happy for you that you at least have one generous and talented in-law.”
Regarding future family gatherings, Palus said the ball is in Carissa’s court moving forward.
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“I wouldn’t blame them if they decided to entirely cancel their offer to host. You can tell them you’re excited about Thanksgiving at their place, and that you will help them hold the line firmly against the rest of the family,” she suggested.
“You can let those family members know that if they are going to show up, they need to do so with joy in their hearts about eating Tofurky — or at least smiles pasted on their faces.”
Palus also advised the woman to encourage her family to start helping out more for Thanksgiving dinner if they truly want her to host to avoid eating vegan food.
“In future years, I would also reconsider if you really want to keep hosting at the level you have been. You say your place works well because of the space you have; it may be sanity-saving to say that you are happy to offer your kitchen and dining room, but that you are not going to cook,” she wrote.
“People can bring dishes potluck style, or you can all split the cost of buying a turkey and sides from the supermarket. The current dynamic is just making you resentful, which isn’t good in the long run for anyone.”
She is simply being generous by preparing delicious food that they may even wind up enjoying if they allow themselves to try it rather than cry about it.
However, if they really have no interest in eating vegan food, nothing is stopping the woman’s family from preparing their own dishes and bringing them to the celebration. In fact, etiquette dictates that’s the best way to handle including dishes that everyone can enjoy.
It would certainly be a big help to the host!
Ultimately, Thanksgiving is really only one day out of the entire year, and if you have to eat food you’re not a big fan of for a few hours, it is not the end of the world.
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You smile, grit your teeth, and choke down a dish that is certainly not at the top of your list if it means making your host, who spent hours preparing it, feel good about their work.
No one is forcing you to adopt an alternative lifestyle simply because you ate vegan foods on a traditionally meat-heavy holiday.
And if you really don’t like the food served at Thanksgiving, there is nothing stopping you from picking up all of your favorites on the way home and indulging!
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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.
