My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have three children. 10 years ago, just six months after I gave birth to our child, I found out that my husband had been chatting and dating another woman. When I confronted him, he promised to end the relationship and apologized. We ended up sleeping in separate rooms for eight years, but eventually, things got easier, and we moved back into the same bedroom. Our relationship started to improve from there.

Two years ago, my husband took up cycling. He often gets up at 4-5 a.m. to either run in the park or bike along long routes with his cycling group, which he found through social media. I thought it was a healthy lifestyle, so I didn’t object much, though I did feel a little bothered, as it affected the time we spent as a family—especially in the mornings when I had to take care of our three kids and get them ready for school. Many mornings, the kids had already left for school, but he still hadn’t returned from his workout.

On weekends, he would cycle from early morning until 9 a.m., even after I reminded him to spend more time with the family. During the weekdays, with work and the kids at school, I had hoped we could have breakfast together as a family, but that was never possible. Many times, I became frustrated, and we ended up arguing about it.

A few weeks ago, on a Saturday, after my husband returned from his workout and saw I was preparing to go to work, he invited me to have breakfast with him and some members of his cycling group. Since I was busy making breakfast for the kids and worried about being late for work, I declined. He went upstairs to change and quickly left with his bike.

After I left the house, I saw him just a short distance away, exiting a porridge shop with a woman in workout clothes, along with two men from his cycling group waiting for him on motorcycles. I followed them and watched them enter a nearby coffee shop before heading to work. I didn’t think there was anything more between my husband and the woman, and assumed they were just having breakfast together after their workout. However, I regretted not staying longer to see if there were any signs of a closer relationship or intimate gestures.

When I got home, I wanted him to join me in talking to my in-laws, but he avoided it. I then explained what had happened: while I was busy taking care of the kids and the household, he was spending too much time with his cycling group, and after working out, he still had time to take a woman out for breakfast and coffee. My in-laws reassured me that they would handle it and promised to talk to him and ask him to take the kids to school so I wouldn’t have to do it anymore. Honestly, I didn’t expect much action from them, as they didn’t seem very forceful with their son.

I confronted my husband and asked him to reflect on his actions. He didn’t offer much of an explanation, simply saying that it was normal for his cycling group to go out for breakfast after working out, and if I didn’t like it, he would skip it next time. He promised he would spend less time cycling. We haven’t spoken much since then.

I want to use this situation to set some boundaries—such as asking him to sell his bike, leave the cycling groups, and share his phone password. Although I rarely check his phone, I want us to have no secrets and trust each other completely. We don’t know each other’s phone passwords, and I want transparency in our finances so we can build our family together.

At nearly 45, aside from his monthly VND10 million (US$392) contribution to the family expenses, my husband has nothing else to offer. Even his financial support is just enough for us to scrape by with three growing kids, and the cost of living is increasing. We still live in his parents’ house, and they are aging and dealing with health issues. We haven’t built anything together, and whenever we talk about the future, he avoids the topic. He hasn’t even been open about finances.

So, why is he wasting time on these activities instead of focusing on work? If he wants to continue like this, I no longer feel motivated to try and sacrifice for our family.

Am I asking too much? What more should I do to get things back on track?