Family traditions — the beloved practices that tie generations together and keep grandpa’s favorite sweater alive long after he’s passed on. More often than not, these practices bring a sense of unity and joy to a family structure, but not always. Sometimes, these traditions feel overbearing and stifling, especially when you’re just finding your feet in a family structure that you married into.
A recent Reddit post highlighted one such tradition: naming firstborn sons after the paternal grandfather. While the tradition might seem endearing on paper, when it clashes with modern-day parenting choices, things can get tense. The future mother who wrote the post was faced with a classic dilemma. Do you keep the peace with your in-laws by adhering to the family tradition, or do you go rogue and choose a name that feels personal? Spoiler alert: She went rogue. And let’s just say, things got a little dramatic.
In the Reddit post, the woman, who is 8 months pregnant, explained that her husband’s family has a tradition of naming firstborn sons after the paternal grandfather. She wrote, “Basically, first-born men in his family only have one of two names: James or Henry. My husband’s grandfather was James, so his name is James too. My husband’s father is called Henry, so our child should be too. And so on and so forth.”
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This tradition, while cherished by her husband’s family, was something the couple disagreed with. They wanted to choose a name that would be personal to their child and reflect their values, rather than adhering to an old family custom. The mom-to-be explained, “My husband and I didn’t really feel like calling our child Henry, and although it’s a beautiful way to honor family members, we really wanted our child to have a name that would be personal, that would truly be his. So we chose another name, and decided to wait until after the birth to reveal it to everyone.”
Unfortunately for the couple, the mother-in-law did not agree with their take. “She brought us some presents, amongst which was a bunch of clothes on which she hand embroidered the name Henry. I said that it was nice and thanked her for it, but told her that we wouldn’t be naming our child Henry,” she wrote. In an effort to compromise, she told her mother-in-law, “I explained to her that we’d rather give our child a name that we chose, and that Henry could be his middle name.”
Instead of seeing the child’s middle name as a compromise that would satisfy everyone, the woman’s mother-in-law became irate, telling her son, “You’re not going to let her do that to our family.” Thankfully, the woman’s husband was adamant that it was their choice, and she couldn’t sway them.
“My husband tried to explain that we both agreed on the name, and all the reasons why we made that choice, but she wouldn’t listen,” she wrote. That’s when things came to a head. The woman shared, “She kept begging my husband and saying that I was ruining the family tradition, and at one point I lost it (which is partially to blame on hormones I think) and told her that it was our child, so we did what we wanted, and we didn’t have to follow a stupid tradition.” At that point, her mother-in-law stormed out. Her father-in-law and sister-in-law have expressed their disappointment in the situation, making things even more emotionally volatile.
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Navigating in-law relationships can be as tricky as finding a quiet moment during a family reunion. When it comes to matters as personal as naming your child, things can get pretty intense. Sure, your in-laws likely have good intentions (probably), but there’s a fine line between offering suggestions and exerting emotional pressure. The mother-in-law in this case definitely crossed that line, insisting that her family tradition must be followed, no matter what.
Change can be hard, but the beauty in traditions is watching how they continue from generation to generation as each family puts their own unique spin on it. The soon-to-be mom seemed to understand this, writing, “I get the importance of tradition and it can be really beautiful, but also I feel like that shouldn’t be an obligation and it’s okay to change things.”
In a Tiktok Post, Nameberry‘s editor-in-chief, who also happens to be a perinatal therapist, explained that when family dynamics shift, like in this case where the mother-in-law realized she needed to take a step back because she was entering the grandparent phase of life, there could sometimes be pushback.
However, here’s the thing: Boundaries are key. As much as family traditions are a cherished part of many people’s lives, it’s important to remember that your child is not a family heirloom to be passed around. It’s entirely reasonable for the expecting parents to make a choice that feels right for them, even if it means having disagreements with others.
Tammy Gold LCSW, MSW, CEC, a licensed therapist and parenting coach, told Parents“Expectant parents should feel empowered to create their own set of values for their new family, which admittedly may feel uncomfortable and get emotional.”
Tradition has a way of becoming a powerful force in family dynamics. It’s comforting, it’s familiar, and it’s a reminder that, in some ways, families never really change. But traditions aren’t written in stone. They evolve. Or they should, at least. The couple in this Reddit post didn’t want to simply keep a name tradition alive for the sake of it — they wanted to give their child a name that felt authentic to their own family story. And that’s okay.
In the end, naming a child is one of the most personal decisions a parent can make, and it’s one that shouldn’t be dictated by anyone else, no matter how well-meaning. While traditions can be beautiful, they shouldn’t come at the cost of individuality or personal choice. Setting clear boundaries, having respectful conversations, and ultimately choosing what feels right for you are all crucial steps in keeping the peace and protecting your family’s future. After all, you’re the one who’ll be yelling your baby’s name at 3 a.m., not anyone else.
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Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor’s degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.
