A new term is making its way into the vocabulary of modern dating—and it’s not one that inspires much hope.
The phenomenon, called “Banksying,” is drawing attention for its emotionally manipulative nature, where one partner checks out of a relationship long before saying a word, leaving the other stunned and heartbroken when the breakup finally comes.
Coined in reference to the enigmatic street artist Banksy—known for his unexpected, self-destructive art—the term describes a breakup that unfolds quietly, emotionally, and one-sidedly. Much like the famous Banksy painting that shredded itself moments after being auctioned for $1.4 million, Banksying is a process of slow emotional sabotage. But in this case, the canvas is a relationship.
The term was recently spotlighted in a USA Today report, which described Banksying as a uniquely unsettling way to end a relationship—one that is marked by ambiguity, avoidance, and emotional withdrawal disguised as normalcy.
“The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock. It’s selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a way of dealing with conflict that is rooted in avoidance,” said Amy Chan, dating coach and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, in her comments to USA Today.
An emotional slow fade, not a clean break
Unlike ghosting—which is abrupt and unmistakable—Banksying is more covert. It involves subtle changes: decreased affection, vague excuses, emotional distancing. The partner doing the Banksying will often continue going through the motions, assuring everything is fine, even while emotionally withdrawing behind the scenes.
This silent unraveling leaves the other person in a state of confusion, often doubting their own instincts.
“Banksying is something that we have all experienced at one point or another,” Emma Hathorn, relationship expert at Seeking.com, told USA Today. “Previously, there hasn’t been a way to express that subtle feeling of dread when a partner has begun to pull away, essentially icing us out.”
The emotional toll comes not just from the breakup itself, but from the way it unfolds. The ambiguity makes it harder to process and grieve.
“They might lie and say everything is ‘fine’ but you also have to exert that you’re not ‘fine’ because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance,” Chan told USA Today. “Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’s OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they’re saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that’s completely the opposite.”
What Banksying reveals about modern dating culture
In an era where conflict avoidance is rampant and communication often filtered through screens, Banksying reflects a broader trend of emotional unavailability and discomfort with directness.
“It does highlight how conflict-avoidant people have become,” Chan told USA Today. “It seems like there’s less of an ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and hard conversations, so instead of dealing with the relationship challenges, or feeling the guilt of a breakup, people end up causing more harm by dragging things out.”
The rise of dating apps and swipe culture may be feeding into this behavior, normalizing poor communication and low accountability in romantic relationships.
Relationship experts say the answer lies in having the courage to be honest—even when it’s difficult.
“Modern dating is in desperate need of blunt honesty,” Hathorn said to USA Today. “Being upfront, firm but polite shows that you know what you want and are unwilling to waste your time and a potential partner’s time.”
Banksying is less about artistic flair and more about emotional cowardice—a trend that leaves behind confusion instead of closure. And for the person on the receiving end, that can feel like the worst kind of heartbreak: one they never saw coming.
The phenomenon, called “Banksying,” is drawing attention for its emotionally manipulative nature, where one partner checks out of a relationship long before saying a word, leaving the other stunned and heartbroken when the breakup finally comes.
Coined in reference to the enigmatic street artist Banksy—known for his unexpected, self-destructive art—the term describes a breakup that unfolds quietly, emotionally, and one-sidedly. Much like the famous Banksy painting that shredded itself moments after being auctioned for $1.4 million, Banksying is a process of slow emotional sabotage. But in this case, the canvas is a relationship.
The term was recently spotlighted in a USA Today report, which described Banksying as a uniquely unsettling way to end a relationship—one that is marked by ambiguity, avoidance, and emotional withdrawal disguised as normalcy.
“The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock. It’s selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a way of dealing with conflict that is rooted in avoidance,” said Amy Chan, dating coach and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, in her comments to USA Today.
An emotional slow fade, not a clean break
Unlike ghosting—which is abrupt and unmistakable—Banksying is more covert. It involves subtle changes: decreased affection, vague excuses, emotional distancing. The partner doing the Banksying will often continue going through the motions, assuring everything is fine, even while emotionally withdrawing behind the scenes.This silent unraveling leaves the other person in a state of confusion, often doubting their own instincts.
“Banksying is something that we have all experienced at one point or another,” Emma Hathorn, relationship expert at Seeking.com, told USA Today. “Previously, there hasn’t been a way to express that subtle feeling of dread when a partner has begun to pull away, essentially icing us out.”
The emotional toll comes not just from the breakup itself, but from the way it unfolds. The ambiguity makes it harder to process and grieve.
“They might lie and say everything is ‘fine’ but you also have to exert that you’re not ‘fine’ because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance,” Chan told USA Today. “Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’s OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they’re saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that’s completely the opposite.”
What Banksying reveals about modern dating culture
In an era where conflict avoidance is rampant and communication often filtered through screens, Banksying reflects a broader trend of emotional unavailability and discomfort with directness.“It does highlight how conflict-avoidant people have become,” Chan told USA Today. “It seems like there’s less of an ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and hard conversations, so instead of dealing with the relationship challenges, or feeling the guilt of a breakup, people end up causing more harm by dragging things out.”
The rise of dating apps and swipe culture may be feeding into this behavior, normalizing poor communication and low accountability in romantic relationships.
Relationship experts say the answer lies in having the courage to be honest—even when it’s difficult.
“Modern dating is in desperate need of blunt honesty,” Hathorn said to USA Today. “Being upfront, firm but polite shows that you know what you want and are unwilling to waste your time and a potential partner’s time.”
Banksying is less about artistic flair and more about emotional cowardice—a trend that leaves behind confusion instead of closure. And for the person on the receiving end, that can feel like the worst kind of heartbreak: one they never saw coming.
