Navigating the workplace while also having a personal life and responsibilities can lead to a great deal of stress and resentment when balance isn’t properly maintained. However, that balance is challenging to achieve, especially for great employees who care about their work performance.
Still, according to high-performer coach Elissa Lynnit is attainable. She claimed that high-performing employees who avoid getting emotionally attached to their work all have one thing in common, which makes it possible.
“They have good boundaries around their time, but they know that’s not enough,” Lynn explained. “What they have is emotional intelligence at work.”
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Mental Health America defines emotional intelligence as “the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you.” It includes self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills — talents all of the best bosses and employees embody.
“They’re really good at neutralizing their emotions,” Lynn added. They control their reactions and “put energy towards the right places.”
Instead of getting anxious about saying the wrong thing, doing a bad job, or overworking themselves, they approach tasks, connections, and meetings with a more positive mindset.
“They see challenges as an opportunity to evolve,” she explained. “Instead of going into worst case scenario thinking, they’re going into best case scenario. Instead of ‘What if I say something embarrassing’, it’s ‘What if it’s a massive success.'”
Lynn clarified that this is not about being “nice” at work. In fact, being too nice can backfire, especially if you become a people pleaser who consistently takes on additional responsibilities and workloads with no added compensation. This only leads to burnout and resentment.
“They know that being nice is only gonna get them more work and more resentment so they’ve learned how to be assertive while maintaining good rapport,” she explained.
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When they experience a setback at work or are faced with an unhappy client, they understand that the only thing they can control is their reaction. Of course, they deal with stressful situations like any other worker, but they don’t allow it to truly impact their life.
“A business setback no longer shakes the foundation of how they view themselves. They know it’s just data,” she said. “They are present, without bringing every work problem home.”
It’s this separation of work, identity, and personal time that crafts the best employees. When they’re at work, they’re giving their all to the team, but with boundaries that protect their energy. They can separate themselves from their jobs and see the bigger picture.
Margaret Andrews, an instructor of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and executive director at the MIT Sloan School of Management, told Harvard how people can up their emotional intelligence.
She first advised people to work on their self-awareness, as it is “the foundation of emotional intelligence.”
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“If you’re aware of your own emotions and the behaviors they trigger, you can begin to manage these emotions and behaviors,” she explained.
“We are all having emotions all the time. The question is whether you are aware of these emotions and the impact they have on your behavior — and other people.”
She also advised employees to practice self-regulation techniques, like breathing exercises and positive self-talk, and work on their social awareness and skills.
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Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories
