Many people think that getting married is an accomplishment. You’ve finally found your life partner, and you’re ready to settle down. Lots of people feel the same way about having children. In fact, how many times have you heard a parent say their greatest accomplishment in life is actually their children? It’s so common you almost expect people to say it.
One woman argued that these things should not actually be seen as accomplishments or something to be proud of.
TikTok content creator and musician Rochelle Riser shared some controversial views she has on marriage and parenthood on the video-sharing app.
“So my therapist tells me that I shouldn’t have this take, but I don’t know how to not,” she admitted. “I don’t think getting married or having a kid is an accomplishment, and I say this as a married mother.”
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“Congratulating somebody on getting married or having a kid is one thing, but when people in my life approached me upon me getting married or having a kid and said, ‘I’m so proud of you,’ my literal first thought was, ‘Why?’” she continued.
“Because Brayden and Tiffany from my high school did the same thing when they were 19,” she argued.
And, most likely, Brayden and Tiffany did not receive nearly as many congratulations for getting married so young right out of high school.
Riser also referenced a recent TikTok trend as being part of the reason this was at the forefront of her mind.
“And I’m especially thinking of this as I see, like, all of the things of, ‘I thought I didn’t accomplish very much in 2024 because I’m still single,’” she said.
“Having a man choose you is not an accomplishment,” she insisted. “It’s not something to be proud of. It’s just something that happens that can be a blessing in your life. It can also be a curse.”
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Although Riser’s therapist may be on the other side of the argument, commenters certainly felt like they were on the same page as her.
“I feel like I’d get a new therapist,” one person quipped.
“‘Happy for you’ seems a better take than ‘proud of you,’” another person offered.
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Several people compared the relative ease of getting married to other things they’ve done in their lives.
“We celebrate weddings and births,” one commenter said. “Yet I spent over a decade in school to get my PhD and almost no one did anything to celebrate me.”
“I will never forget a close co-worker who got promoted to director and married in the same year,” another added. “Marriage was made a bigger deal. She said, ‘I’ve worked 15 years for this, I met him on Tinder.’”
Natalie Brooke, a HuffPost contributor, wrote an article on this exact topic when she was engaged. She agreed with Riser — marriage, for her, was not an accomplishment.
“I am so grateful for the excitement surrounding my upcoming marriage, however, I often wonder why the event of getting married is put on a higher pedestal than the true successes that come along with an education and career,” Brooke said.
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Psychiatrist Dr. Gail Saltz told ABC News“It’s true that we’re still coming out of a cultural time when … getting married was (a woman’s) license into the world of accomplishment because they could own their husband’s accomplishments. That would be a sad reason to feel accomplished at this point for getting married.”
Really, there are so many people who make a conscious choice not to get married or have children. Doing so does not make you any less accomplished than someone else. Recognizing that fact as a society will go a long way toward shattering an unfortunate stigma that has developed.
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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
