It can be difficult enough to deal with a narcissist in a one-on-one situation, but it can be even worse when they manage to sneak their way into your friend group. A narcissist in a friend group can throw all those relationships into turmoil, which is why it’s important to be able to spot the signs of a narcissist before they can embed themselves into your dynamic.
A domestic violence advocate known as M on TikTok shared the three signs you need to watch out for that indicate a narcissist has found their way into your friend group.
While this friend may start off seeming like an amazing person who fits the group’s dynamic perfectly, be wary because they’re actually looking to control them. They’ll accomplish this by making the rest of the friend group doubt your commitment.
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“They might start making comments to other people in the group, saying, ‘Oh, you know, have you noticed she’s been a little bit distant lately?’ (or) ‘I feel like she doesn’t really care about us as much as she used to,'” M said. “Any of these subtle remarks to start shaping how others see you, even if you did nothing wrong.”
They’re basically looking to create drama out of nothing for their own personal gain, so be cautious if they start sharing their faux concern about other members of the friend group.
Whenever the mere possibility of them having to take responsibility for the drama they’ve created is presented, they will do or say anything to cast you in a bad light and themself in a good light.
Some phrases they might throw your way include “I don’t know why she’s being so mean to me” or “I’ve only ever been a good friend to her,” according to M. Even if you can see through their act, these phrases will make others more sympathetic towards them and make it seem as though you’re the one causing conflict.
According to Psychology Todaythe reason narcissists use the victim stance is because it fulfills their desire to control others and sidestep accountability for their behavior.
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After a period of time, the group will come to see the narcissist’s manipulation as reality instead of the carefully crafted narratives they planted. This will lead the group to isolate you as it will seem that you are the one causing all of the problems.
They’ll tell the group that if you cared, you would be doing more and that you’re untrustworthy, which will remove you from the group even further. Once they’ve isolated you, it’s hard to find a way back since you don’t have any real idea what is being said, just that somehow it has turned everyone against you.
The doubts they’ve planted in your friends’ minds and the victim stance they’ve held serve as a strong foundation for them to cut you off and reduce the value of your friendship to others.
Trial attorney and conflict resolution expert Rebecca zungwrote, “Being the target of a smear campaign can be traumatic and isolating. You may feel overwhelmed, alone, and tempted to give up. But remember, they only win if you give in. Seek emotional support, set boundaries, and approach the situation with resilience.” She went on to say, “Don’t play into their hands; instead, see them as a third party having a tantrum. Remember, knowledge is power, and with the right strategies, you can turn the situation around.” You might not convince your friends right away, but eventually, the narcissist will show their true nature.
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Sahlah Syeda is a writer who covers relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
