It’s almost wedding season, which means two things: family drama and brides acting like total and complete monsters. Or both, in the case of one Redditor, who’s dealing with a bridezilla who has taken the term to a pretty cruel level.

The man was cut from his sister’s wedding party for not ‘fitting the aesthetic.’

The Redditor wrote in his post that he and his sister have always been close — “or so I thought” he now said. He has been excitedly looking forward to her wedding coming up in a few months, assuming he’d be part of the wedding party like their younger brother is.

“But when she sent out the invitations, I noticed something weird — my name wasn’t listed as a groomsman or even part of the wedding party at all,” he wrote. When he confronted her about it, he was shocked by her response.

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He was excluded because his sister didn’t want his prominent birthmark in their wedding photos.

“She awkwardly told me she and her fiancé had decided to only have ‘people who really fit the aesthetic’ in the wedding,” he recalled. “When I pushed for an explanation, she eventually admitted it was because I have a visible birthmark on my face, and she ‘didn’t want it to stand out in the photos.'”

That is obviously appalling to anyone with even a basic sense of decency, and it left this man “stunned.” He called his sister out, telling her it was “incredibly shallow and hurtful,” but she did what many brides tend to do.

“She doubled down, saying it was ‘her special day’ and that she had the right to curate the look of it however she wanted,” he wrote. That is nearly as appalling as the decision in the first place.

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He is now being blamed for causing drama, which is a common family dynamic.

Here is where we start to get a glimpse of why his sister is like this. Rather than operate according to the standards of basic respect, his parents have taken her side in the interest of keeping the peace. And he’s being blamed for causing drama simply for bringing it up.

“My family is calling me petty and saying I’m making a big deal out of nothing,” he said, which is absurd, but unfortunately a very common family dynamic, even in families that aren’t dysfunctional.

Psychologists call it the Family Systems Theory, which views families as an inter system in which each member plays a role. These roles are even more well-defined in toxic families — the golden child, the scapegoat, etc. — but are present even in so-called “normal families.”

Key to this system is that if one person steps outside the lines, everyone is disrupted. So the “victim,” if you will, is often blamed for the conflict that arises, because if they’d just shut up, nobody would have to deal with the discomfort. That seems to be exactly what’s happening here.

Therapists and other experts say one of the keys to dealing with situations like these without losing your mind is simply compassionately accepting that your family members are the way they are — the old “let it roll off your back” approach.

But they also suggest setting and maintaining boundaries, and this seems like precisely the kind of situation ripe for that kind of response. Being told, “It’s not like I don’t love you, I just don’t want you in my wedding pictures,” is the kind of thing that doesn’t deserve any consideration. Shallow cruelty is shallow cruelty, even if it is your “special day.”

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John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.